My 40oz Malt Liquor Review

(probably written around 2002)

COLT 45 HELL YEAH 1.) Colt 45

Potency: 7 This is a good jammy for my beginners and younger niggas. Some thirsty niggas are swayed by the extra 5 ounces, despite the lower ABV.

Taste: Really smooth like a pack of Newport 100's.

Price: $1.59 (In 1999)

Availability: You can find this in any hood, and even ghetto outskirts

Goes best with: any occasion. Colt 45 has been a staple of a brother's diet for several years now. I busted out the womb toting a Colt 45. Always smooth….Always gets your swerve on!

Bang for buck: 7 (Works everytime)


2.) St. Ides

Potency: 8, Never the same drunk twice

Taste: Robust and ill, a true gangster favorite

Price: 1.50

Availability: standard 40oz issue. The crooked eye is as widespread as a ghetto bitch's legs.

Goes best with: Looting, hot afternoons, and/or a bucket of extra crispy. This is the official 40 of the LA riots and is sponsored by South Central. My rottweiler's favorite 40 is the Saint. Goes down easy and comes up even easier.

Bang for buck: 8 (People say it ain't wise to get faded off the Saint Ides)

3.) Country Club

Potency: 5

Taste: Smooth, but not much bite like the hard hitting Steel Reserve. It keeps you wanting that extra malt flavor.

Price: 1.89 (But worth every penny…aka "the Bently" of 40s)

Availability: This shit is about as rare as a white boy in Detroit…its usually found in the upper end projects.

Goes best with: Rollin on dubs and fine dining at Popeyes. This 40 here is for my upscale niggas. This is the type of shit you serve in a glass when wining and dining. Its shows you go the extra quarter. Also good for showing up to job interviews lets them know you're a high roller and you're settling for nothing less than a management position.

Bang for buck: 5 (More of a cooling out, relaxing beverage. (It isn't the type of shit you bang down before a night rolling in the '64)

4.) Old English 800

Potency: 9, this shit ain't foolin…don't even get me started on its cousin OE ice!!

Taste: Hardcore malt style…a true Negro classic since seventy deuce. The gold label screams "high quality shit".

Price: 1.29 (a real steal at this price)

Availability: All the hoods stock OE. Available in the badass 64oz bottle, for the thirstiest of niggas.

Goes best with: Athletic activities and a rack of ribs. Whether it be drive-bys, runnin ball, or straight-up illin on the corner, this shit goes best with summer heat. This is the offical outdoor 40 of da 2011 Harlem Olympics. It's the homeboys answer to corona…throw a few splashes of grape soda up in this mug and TA DOW- NIGGAS BE GRILLIN LIKE A MOFO! This is the 40 that announces, not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES, you just bought a 40oz. Treat it with reverence.

Bang for buck: 9

5.) Steel Reserve 211

Potency: 10…(Call up your public defender, get your bail money ready, you're catching a charge behind this shit right here)

Taste: 3. This shit is whack! 8 outta 10 doctors recommend the steel. Theres chunks of barley and hops in the bottle…it means you getting all your minerals and vitamins

Price: 1.19 Availability: found in a good percentage of ghettos. Banned in 6 states.

Goes best with: Gang bangin/thuggin, fat L's and choking out coaches. This is the official brew of Latrell Sprewell.

Bang for buck: 9 Fact: 211 be the cali police code for armed robbery. My brothers…think before you steal! Don't be drinkin this shit and think you runnin from any cops. You aint runnin nowhere!

6.) Hurricane Malt Liquor

Potency: 12 (8.0% alc. vol. LIKE A BAT UPSIDE YOUR HEAD)

Taste: 2….tastes like stale natty with two shots of robotussin

Price: 98 cents Canadian (that's fiddy cent US). For negros that are low on funds.

Availability: only up north in Quebec and maybe some other Canadian states…I never knew my up-north niggas had it in em! NAFTA banned this shit from coming to the US. Jesse Jackson be working round the clock to change that.

Goes best with: Rioting, jail cells, Glocks, and the homeless. THIS SHIT AINT PLAYING GAMES, like 2 forties for the price of one.

Bang for buck: 10…you cant get more banged up for a dollar than downin two of these jammies…GAURANTEED!!

7.) Camo

Potency: 10…this shit is strictly for the hardcore 40 enthusiast

Taste: Stale urine with a hint of petroleum

Price: A good deal at 1.09 or 2 food stamps

Availabilty: Most any hoods on the west coast. More rare in the east.

Goes best with: Hoopdees, wife beatin, ruff rydin, and water melon. This right here is a good family event brew. Whether you be throwin a tube top on your bitch and bouncing to a wedding, or praying in church, Camo be liftin all types of spirits in me. This shit goes down smooth for all my brothers who be looking for that playa flava, but cant be affordin the chrome. For all my homies rollin on hub caps… Im feelin ya!

Bang for buck: 9 (gets your bitch in the mood quicka….makes your jimmy thicka)