My Old Livejournal 2001-2008

Tue, Mar. 13th, 2001, 11:54 pm [private] Ack Ack Ack This sucks terrible madness...I've been off drugs for 5 weeks now, and I still can't find a good reason not to be, other than going to college, but that's far off. I go to work and come home to a boring and sullen household. My back hurts, I never see my friends or father, who's moving far away soon anyway, and these shoes are killing my feet. I bought them earlier, not thinking they'd hurt so much. They're too goddam pretty to take back, so I guess I'll wear them until nasty blisters form. Maybe I shouldn't do drugs after all...I'm much more content in this hateful mood than I am in my usual drugged-up silly love-everyone mood. . Walking through the mall the other day, one of my raver friends was describing me to his friends as the Micheal Jordan of drugs..bragging about me out-drugging Hunter Thompson...ack...I could have grabbed one of the coat racks from Dillards and beat him all over the food court. To hell w/ him. I wish I could go to my father's house, something I haven't done in a long while, but stepmom's pissed at me for leaving her dead mother's dresser in my apartment after I got evicted. Hopefully I can go get it back tomorrow....maybe that will buy my way over to go see dad. When did I become so repulsive? Is it from nights among nights of being curled up at work in a cubicle looking at when I'm supposed to be working? Could it just be emotional withdrawal? Is this how I am under normal circumstances? OOoohh I found the neatest KGB watch on ebay today..but no money..I probably could find better things to waste my money on if I had any..still trying to pay off the 1000 dollar debt from the cracked out January and early Febuary. Hell, I don't even remember January. not good. I certainly wish this bastard cuban south-florida customer would get off my back about not being able to fix his screwed up computer.......first entry is always the most mote it be..... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Electric Hellfire Club-Sympathy For The Devil

Wed, Mar. 14th, 2001, 01:44 am [private] Dark, rainy night at werk....thoughts on AOL , cannibalism, perfume..... Dark and rainy outside the window I'm sitting behind, I'm so glad to see the rain again. It came the day before yesterday, but that night wasn't as near as comforting, sitting at the abandonded video store writing notes to dear friends. Good to finally enjoy a rainy night. I wish I was in New Orleans again. I'd live there, if I didn't want to live in Baltimore much more. I used to live New Orleans. It's paradise when it rains but it's the inferno when it gets hot and sunny. The extreme heat plus humidity means a terrible choking exhaustion walking from the school bus to the house. No more of that, tho, unfortunately. I never thought I'd miss that. There's a lot of things I miss. I never get to get on AOL anymore...hopefully when I go to dad's house I can stop emailing people back and forth and actually talk to people, drinking bourbon and ice and not worrying about anything or anyone. A vacation for me, really, compared to what every other day is like. I saw Hannibal with Jeremy the other night. His sixth time, my eighth. I've been seeing it repeatedly in the theater, since I'll have to suffer the displeasure of seeing it on a tv screen from then on. Someone got sick in the theater again, but I guess that's the price you pay when you see a movie that graphic, but I don't mind. My hand still smells like perfume. I went perfume shopping with mother earlier yesterday, and we sampled a lot. The woman in the department was French and could barely speak english. I talked with her a little in french, just to be impressive, i guess. Maybe living in N.O. did have its advantages...but I didn't learn that much french...such wonderful smells... I liked CKBe, Lai'r Du Temps, Candies (female), and Fleur D'eau. Mother didn't like the female Candies, she thought it smelled like a younger woman. It made me hungry to smell it, so did the Fleur D'eau. My feet still hurt from these pretty but godawful painful shoes. Still debating wether or not it's worth it, but I'm sure they should break in soon..... Current Mood: lethargic Current Music: Meat Beat Manifesto - Paradise Now remix

Wed, Mar. 14th, 2001, 07:16 pm [private] lame, but positive day.......... boring-ass day..woke up...ate breakfast at 1am....went to work. Sullenly happy right now. My shoes are more comfortable today and atomic books in baltimore is opening up next spring. Made my night a little brighter... Current Mood: complacent Current Music: Napoleon XIV-They're coming to take me away

Thu, Mar. 15th, 2001, 12:27 am [private] Aut insanit homo, aut versus facit....... brain's boiling, although I'm VERY VERY sleepy. I was calm and relaxed not one hour ago. Someone started talking about the Postal Service will start charging us a nickel for every email sent, and the United Nations wants to start their own army, and suddenly the violent urge to kill and destroy every sort of large unfair government organization has suddenly entered my mind, and it's frustrating when I have neither the tools nor the time to do so, and probably wouldn't get away with it in the first place. Should I go about my business ignoring these injustices, or should I allow myself to be thrown into a psychotic unhealthy rage? The temptation to go spraypaint the local post office has already flashed through about 5,000 times in my head. Should I be true to my own thoughts, or calm down and be a passionless, sane person? We will choose the latter for now, since it is not worth the risk. I have no criminal record, and I don't plan to start it........looking forward to getting off work soon.....~sneeze~ Current Mood: groggy Current Music: Dope - You Spin Me Right Round (Like a record)

Thu, Mar. 15th, 2001, 08:16 pm [private] Exterminate all rational thought I wonder why noone emails me anymore? I used to have a lot of friends email me every day, but not anymore. Not having an AOL screen name might contribute to that, but hopefully that will change soon. blah. Boring day at work...just had a customer who was slapping and verbally abusing his wife, who later started crying...then he started mocking her. I wonder if she started thinking of all those guys she turned down because they were "too nice"...she'll probably stay with him until he beats her to death...oh well, survival of the fittest, i guess. ~yawn~ mmm my shoes are totally comfortable soon as the skin grows back on my feet I'll be all set. I need to find something constructive to busy myself with before college starts, so I'm not bored to tears every damn day. I don't know if today was more boring than yesterday or not. I woke up, ate breakfast at 1:30pm, and went to work. It's almost like a slap in the face. Next weekend should be fun Mommy and Stepdaddy are leaving for Louisiana for 4 days.....I can hang out w/ Frank, Erica and Quincy. I'll be glad to see them again..and dad. I wish I had some money for some Chivas Regal, but no money, no time, and no friends over 21 around.. Current Mood: lethargic Current Music: (no music, Napster is busted on this particular comp.)

Thu, Mar. 15th, 2001, 10:01 pm [private] cubicle thoughts...... Still sitting in the cubicle...slow night....looking around Baltimore a bit. and all the road and street security cameras I have access to. Looks like a slow night there too. God, I wish I was on the harbor getting drunk. I'd go out to a dock and strip and jump my drunken naked ass in the water. mmm summer project. Feeling much more happy could be better, I could be somewhere else doing this, but it could be worse too... Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: Trainspotting sdntrk: Blur - Sing (Napster back up)

Sat, Mar. 17th, 2001, 01:40 am [private] All Your Base Are Belong To Us ~yawn~ Sitting in the cubicle forgotten by God again for the fourth time this week..what do I have to do tomorrow? My mind's blank....I have to WORK tomorrow afternoon! What a BITCH that is. I didn't even offer to work tomorrow, and I told them I wasn't available on weekends...I'll work anyways..better not to start any madness this time of month, but that's good business ethics for ya. oh, I hope my insurance validates soon so I can get some medicine for this hateful bipolar's got me in such a depressed valley right now..and nothing but these nasty cigarettes I had to buy with pocket change the other day to alleviate the issue....oh, how I don't want to go home...and it's going to be like this for the next 2 years..go to home..over and over....ack. I hope the wonderful staff at Johns Hopkins U. will be ready to recieve one psychotic son of a bitch....hopefully...~sneeze~............. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Red House Painters - All mixed up

Sat, Mar. 17th, 2001, 05:31 pm [private] ::strangely happy:: hmm..back at work a strangley happy mood reason. I saw an AK-47 in a pawn shop yesterday..brought back stepbrother and I used to tear up old license plates with one of those behind my stepmom's house. A very accurate gun, believe it or not. I miss that. He was in a wreck last week, hopefully he's ok. Wasn't able to get my stepmother's furniture today, but I don't mind. I'm feeling very docile at the moment, but isn't working..phht. I have to go back to the college soon and sign up for summer class. SO hope they offer honors psychology during the summer. Also hope John's Hopkins will accept my credits from Pellishitty Community College... Current Mood: calm Current Music: Blur - Coffee and tv

Mon, Mar. 19th, 2001, 04:01 pm [private] Reports from Interzone Corp. On day shift now...I DON'T like it. The hold time is always about 10 minutes, so I'll always get another call, and there seem to be a lot more irate people in the daytime. But it's kewl. I went to the mall yesterday w/ this girl that I'm taking to her prom. She and her friend remind me family. Ackpht. But they're sociable, and not rude, and uninhibited, so it's all good. True rocky horror people. I miss my father. I guess I'd better make another attempt to go get my stepmom's dresser. Hopefully then I'll see them this weekend...and Franklin..who just got out of jail for NOT SHOWING UP IN COURT! for a WEED possession!! ::smacks fat chinese boy in forehead:: ok, not much else to report on, maybe I'll log later when something interesting comes to mind....... Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: NIN - Closer (Super Mario remix)

Wed, Mar. 21st, 2001, 10:33 pm [private] Reports from Interzone Corp. II 10 pm...wide work..ready to go home. I feel very volatile tonight, like I'm about to explode and do something very....bad is the word? I'm not angry at all, in fact, I'm very calm, and happy. But volatile. And empty. I think I'm making it my goal to completely destroy/degrade/demean everything that pisses me off..... Current Mood: blank Current Music: J. S. Bach. - Goldberg Variations

Fri, Mar. 30th, 2001, 02:21 pm [private] Bathe yourself in flavor-aid and worship Jim Jones Boring day at work..had a party at my friend's house last weekend..that was fun...other than that, absolutely nothing. My mother commented on my sideburns again, which are almost to my mouth "Nobody likes that, Tyler"...nobody being her and my sister. Her empty bandwagoning nauseates me. And she says it like I value her opinion in the least bit. Another party tomorrow night. I'll probably be the one not rolling. Maybe I can take advantage of people. That's always an enjoyable activity. Yay, I'm almost out of debt and I just got my tax return back. I need to go buy another corset for Rocky Horror. I gave mine to a friend for Christmas..I'm sure the director would be pissed if I showed up for the next play minus costume pieces. There goes about 50$. A fool and his money are easily parted, as it seems. Speaking of fools, maybe I'll go see Franklin tomorrow..ack, I can't believe his roommate moved out...I had such a sexual attraction to her. Oh well, I guess I should forget about it, not much chance of seeing her again. That makes me want to walk around the most populated part of downtown Knoxville drunk, screaming her name, pissing off as many people possible in one night, and if any people say shit, just whip out a pellet gun and start pelting motherfuckers. An exciting night that would be...hmmm...project ::whips out notepad:: Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: The Fall - hip priest

Wed, Apr. 4th, 2001, 02:28 pm [private] Young girls are the biological equivalent of "new car smell" Warm outside...after waiting months and months of uncomfortable cold. I hate cold weather. And stress. And PRESSURE GODDAMMIT! Sitting here trying to figure out how to get impossible shit done. Everythings pissing me off....ready to EXPLODE mwahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: angry Current Music: G. G. Allin

Tue, Apr. 10th, 2001, 02:53 pm [private] I hate the state I live in.... Signed up for college classes today...just like last summer..full load...4 weeks...ass-busting work. Downloaded NIN Closer (Super Mario remix) again...that song is just the bee's nuts. Kiss my ass if you think I'm a dork for liking it. Watched "Jackass" for the first time the other day..Johnny Knoxville is god. (That's right..I said KISS MY ASS) Stoopid prom to go to this saturday, easter on sunday, dad's house next week, and very insanely happy weekend on the 27th. Back to this hateful work.... Current Mood: crazy Current Music: NIN - Closer (Super Mario remix)

Tue, May. 1st, 2001, 12:55 pm [private] yah yah yah! mmm what a nice weekend. I'm at a loss for words......feeling very content. now I'm spoiled and don't want to be at work at all. can't wait to change jobs. I'm probably going to go to the new one tomorrow morning to talk to my future (hopefully) boss. I think my package arrived at my dad's house yesterday...."Suicide Kings" and G. G. Allin. Ooh It's raining outside too...could things get better than this? Yeah, stupid question. They could, but this is nice....... Current Mood: happy Current Music: Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus

Thu, May. 3rd, 2001, 08:01 am [private] bleh mmmm oooohhhhh nasty head is killing me.. Dad and I finally finished off the Vodka bottle I brought that's out of the way, but I can still taste it...bleh. I guess I'd better to go werk today...although I'm really in no condition to. Don't need to fall back into the habit of missing work whenever I feel like it, which has been a problem in the past. mm Just one more month and I start impatient. I think I'ma go take so alka-seltzer and lie down before it's time to go to work... Current Mood: sick Current Music: none, my fucking head's about to split open

Wed, May. 9th, 2001, 04:51 pm [private] ~yaw...~ ack I can't do it!! Mmmmm Slow day at work...moving along faster than usual tho. I just found one of my old friends from high school on AOL the other night...he used to ride the bus home with me (about an hour ride) and we'd smoke cigarettes, weed, stick signs on the back window so drivers behind us would know the man driving the bus was either a homosexual or on crack cocaine. I remember one time he had to sit directly behind the driver for a month (punishment when we were caught), and he turned himself upside down in his seat, cut the rubber off the fire extingusher, and stuck it in his bag..which promptly began firing off white foam, blowing his bag up like a baloon and leaking white out of the zipper. The driver didn't notice. Immature bus behavior...I miss it dearly. I'll never act my age, I'm afraid. And on the related subject of behavior psychology, I'm on new meds...zoloft..nice drug. The first one made me extremely sleepy...but no mood elevation whatsoever. Feeling a lot better now after a few, but when I wake up in the morning, I'm in this strange hypnotic state and my eyes can't follow my head around very well....I also can't yawn right, like it won't happen all the way, but I'm able to tolerate that. I'll never take Prozac again. Who would want to take a drug that gives you tourette's syndrome and takes away the ability to have an orgasm? I could have one on it, but it's a hell of a lot, we will not ever consider that drug again. awful. damn I wish I hadn't taken my lunch so I'm hungry...oh well..break coming up. Someone wrote this on the wall of a bathroom in Oak Ridge mall: Darling facist bullyboy, Send me some more money you bastard, may the seed of your loins be fruitful in the belly of your woman... Love, Neil I didn't know anyone else in east tennessee had seen the young ones...I don't feel so alone now. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Blur - Sing

Tue, May. 22nd, 2001, 11:21 pm [private] "Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress." Okay, I'm updating my fucking journal now....something I rarely do, it seems. Not enough time on my hands I guess, or I need to rearrange the shit on my "importance" list. hmm Let's a new car - runs great, doesn't stink, well...not like rotten food anyway...more like cheap naugahide. Rained ALL day to-day, mmmmm ooohhhh I love the rain...not much for driving in it tho. Still, rain is better than no rain. Was driving down the highway the other day...and saw a fucking car standing straight up on the side of the highway. I'm talking 90% on its nose...with people sitting inside. Well, the grass embankment on the side was 90% drop, and they must have been driving around in the woods above it and slid down to the highway. I could see both airbags were fully inflated, a second before I flew by them laughing my ass off. funny people. Franklin should be off work soon...I think I'll make a last-ditch effort to call him before competely losing hope of ever contacting him again. Haven't seen him or talked to him since Kelly was here, which feels like a very long time for me. I've felt very docile and calm these past few days...much more comfortable now. No drugs, no smoking, no strong emotions toward anything, very...quiet in my head. In Suzanna Kaysen's velocity/viscocity theory, I am at the bottom of the viscocity chamber. A good place to be, if you're going for your PH.D. in Not Giving A Fuck...........I'm currently in the postgraduate study. But I should be starting classes for my B.S. in almost a week...and that's about all I have to look forward to for the time being. That and going and getting something to eat b/c I am fucking starving. Current Mood: hungry Current Music: Jesus and Mary Chain - Penetration

Tue, Jun. 5th, 2001, 07:33 pm [private] Pissed off....ready to eat someone's fucking face off Goddam slow piece of shit deleted my motherfucking entry..."page cannot be displayed" my have to write the whole motherfucking thing all the FUCK over again...goddammit...."whew" that's better. What did I write before? I don't remember. Well, general update: starting college tomorrow...that shouldn't be too pleasant; mom's coming home Sunday, gotta kill this bag of weed someone gave me (how nice is THAT?)...smoked half of it last night, sometime around 1am...took a shower...slept until 5 min before I had to leave today. I'm so lazy yet so productive. Dad was talking earlier about taking me up to baltimore at the end of the nice..a father-son vacation. Right. Just like all the other one's we've taken. Alternating shifts of driving on speed or sleeping in the back curled up with a bottle. But the longer the better, I guess... I really shouldn't take him..he'd get spoiled and not want to come would I. I'll take that chance. Guess I'd better start saving money before I go (atomic books, alcohol, crab cakes, souveniers, etc.) Yay, something to look forward to. Still pissed off. Jeremy (this guy I went to school with) is dating one of my friends, who is 4 years younger than he is. She's so sweet and innocent, and he's a sexual predator. She just looks really good and is young and dumb enough to go out with him, she thinks he really likes her. See, he hasn't gotten any action in a long while and he's moving to go to college in a month, so he think's he'll get some from her since she so nice, and girls up in new york probably won't touch him. He thinks he has to show everyone how much ass he can get. I'd like to see him die. No, I don't want to fuck her, I've known her since she was really little...he can't do that. He's pissed me off before with the way he treats women. He pushed me over the edge. It's amazing how much fun you can have with a permanent marker and a full tank of gas. Every truck stop men's bathroom within a 50 mile radius of his house has "I Need a big Cock" call me (Jeremy) at (xxx) xxx-xxxx(his phone number) I also give GOOD QUALITY rim jobs in big, bold letters...planning on tattooing the bathroom of the downtown gaybar this weekend. So I'm glad to say I've found a new stress-releasing creative outlet for myself. Feeling much happier all around these past few days...oh, and I got the "baltimore" shirt i won on ebay yesterday...absolutely happy...hehehehe Current Mood: crazy Current Music: Depeche Mode - One Caress

Wed, Jun. 6th, 2001, 03:59 pm [private] Jealous Jealous Jealous I have suddenly become insanely jealous for reasons I won't go into on here...but ...I could kill...I have never ever been jealous about this before, well, not like this...but it just hit me...HARD. I can taste blood. and omg I love feels sooo bad and oh sooo good at the same time..hehehe I'm sick. The more angry and jealous I get, the more it turns me on...mmmmmm..mwahahaha.... Current Mood: jealous Current Music: none

Fri, Jun. 8th, 2001, 08:50 pm [private] La La Weekend El Sleazo A bit of excitement last night...was going about 30 mph over the speed limit, and this cop blue-lights me and tries to pull onto the road. His wheels get stuck, and he's spinning in the mud, so I floor it....he gets faster, drive faster...over a hill, maybe he's gone? blue lights fly over the hill..uh-oh, maybe faster...turn this long and sharp curve...and YES he can't see me ...oohh I'm in luck...."T" stop at 100ft.....which in front of me is turning right...turn left....go go! ::looks back:: cop has turned right w/ his sirens on ::speeds away:: ha HA! LOST HIM! hehe so that was the excitement of my night. Fuck you all Current Mood: predatory

Fri, Jun. 15th, 2001, 01:46 pm [private] Cute list Things I completely hate: 1.)Wal-Mart 2.)Survivor 3.)Real World/Road Rules 4.)Mullets 5.)Ecstasy 6.)The State of Florida 7.)Any story about the goddam pilgrims(inspired by my American Lit. class 8.)Pottery/craft shops 9.)Assholes 10.)The self-righteous (see #7) 11.)Bright-ass eye burning sunny days (how is this "pretty"?) 12.)Crack cocaine 13.)Genteel southern people 14.)One-hit wonders (Papa Roach, Staind, Sevendust, Mudvain, Drowning Pool, Stereomud, etc.) 15.)CREED (I'm sorry sir, your voice sounds like shit) 16.)Limp Bizkit 17.)Raves 18.)Stupid 60,0000000 dollar quiz shows (The Weakest Link, that one with Regis that I can't remember the name of due to it being blocked out.... More lists later Current Mood: loved Current Music: Movie :Cecil B. Demented

Sat, Jun. 16th, 2001, 12:54 pm [private] ~Moans~ oooohhhh Holy shit....I have NEVER been this hung over in my head is hurting so bad it feels like I must have banged it on something while I was drunk. Last night I took daddy to the liquor store for his father's day present and bought us two fifth bottles of Ezra Brooks Bourbon. We completely finished one bottle before 2am last night. I got dad VERY drunk(he has shit for tolerance) and had to make sure he didn't stumble and fall and didn't get sick. I finally got him to go to bed after I made him drink some water, so he's okay now, but I don't know about me...this headache is some kinda BITCH... Current Mood: drained Current Music: Yeah, right

Thu, Jul. 5th, 2001, 03:31 pm Another list No posts in a while...bad, bad few weeks..... Things I Absolutely Adore: 1.)Kelly 2.)Kelly 3.)Kelly 4.)Baltimore 5.)marijuana 6.) 7.)John Waters 8.)bad taste (see #7) 9.)sleeping 10.)Valium(see #9) 11.)my cat 12.)rain 13.)AMP 14.)ATR 15.)Titus 16.)my new car hehe 17.)the month of August, when good things happen more later Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: EBN- Pyschoactive Drugs (Laced Mix)

Fri, Jul. 6th, 2001, 02:23 pm [private] My results of personality test Ack...this sucks... Results: Disorder Rating Information Paranoid: High Schizoid: High Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: High Narcissistic: High Avoidant: High Dependent: Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate Schizotypal Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow. Borderline Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met. Dependent Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed. Current Mood: confused Current Music: none

Wed, Jul. 11th, 2001, 03:22 pm [private] rational thought extermination Craaack roooot blahhhhh NO! Current Mood: sad Current Music: Blur - Sing

Wed, Jul. 11th, 2001, 06:48 pm [private] Nice words These touched me... hope you like them Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: none

Thu, Sep. 27th, 2001, 07:30 pm [private] Phhtt Ack, I forgot this thing was still here..more later Current Mood: cynical Current Music: none

Mon, Oct. 29th, 2001, 06:04 pm ::grabs acid blotter and shotgun:: Nice week....nice nite at work, in the Land Of Comfortably Numb. Probably either going to the old city or my dad's empty house for Haloween. Hmm. Maybe my unsuspecting friends and I could hold a midnight mass in the house. hmmmmm. I probably wouldn't have many friends after that. Either way, I used the rest of my grass to roll a joint the size of my dick for Haloween purposes, so needless to say, I'm getting very high Haloween night. (I'm so narcisitic). Ahh, what else....visiting dad in november...a nice ride on the Greyhound to Arkansas, then maybe dad and I can work on the Rum Diary..our all night rum-dumb prose notebook. Could life get better than that? I think NOT. I can't STAND living with my mother. And I NEVER get a break. No more going over to dad's house on the weekends. I'm wondering if I should abort the idea of living with her until I move northward. I should get my own apartment again....I really should. Key word is should here, people. Probably WON'T. Wow, some REAL assholes calling in tonight. I'm talking some nice pieces of 24-karat asshole work babbling into my headset. So there's apparently a lot of things going wrong in south florida. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Sympathy For The Devil - Electric Hellfire Club

Tue, Dec. 11th, 2001, 11:00 pm The Death of Fun Finals finals all week....until tomorrow. If I don't pass at least 3 classes, I can't get financial aid for next term. That means working full time until summer...that means enough money to move and buy a house by late spring....yay. Could this be the reason I deliberately MISSED a final? Or did I genuinely not feel like taking it? mwahaha!!!!! My plans are evil and backstabbing, but they must be carried out at once. Like how am I going to tell my girlfriend who's just WAITING for the ring that I'll be moving without warning? That should be interesting. Well, we didn't get to see dad in November, but the holiday season says he's coming down for two weeks. I need drugs...none in a month...bye Current Mood: determined Current Music: The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Too Crazy To Care

Mon, Mar. 4th, 2002, 04:21 pm Update...after weeks and weeks.... ~sigh~ In school....just killing time until I move this summer...nothing but weed the past few weeks. Paul's coming to see me next month...I'm very much looking forward to it...ehhh...I don't think I'm the person I was a couple of months ago..different lifetime. I'm losing certain memories. I can barely remember my apartment anymore, and I keep having flashbacks of the day I came back to my room after being in baltimore for the second time. It won't quit popping in my head. It was warm in there and the sun was out. It's not an upsetting memory, not anymore at least. Just very annoying. I no longer suffer from emetophobia anymore, which is a good thing, I guess. I'm diagnosed as recovered, so I don't have to put it on job applications anymore. I can handle being sick and seeing other people be sick. Yay, I guess. Not really excited about anything anymore. ~stares blankly~ Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: Marilyn Manson - Apple Of Sodom

Mon, Mar. 4th, 2002, 04:59 pm [private] This sucks.... Some personality assessing test I took for my speech class..I hate me. ::: Your Colorgenics Profile ::: Enough is enough ... you feel frustrated and rejected .... You are fighting back .. and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace .... You are not an argumentative sort of person and "rather than fight - you'd switch" (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet ... you tend to become inhibited You keep it all to yourself ...but deep down-you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied...and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. Current Mood: numb Current Music: none

Fri, Mar. 8th, 2002, 06:54 pm [private] It wishes not to be parted from its master, but rather..simply to not exist anymore I guess I'd better write this now..sorry if you don't like it, Krista, because I know you still read this when I don't call you. I am, in fact, moving up to Baltimore this summer. Early. Please don't give me the speech that it's not a necessity for me to move. For me, mentally, it is. I have to do it. I'm afraid I'm really going to commit suicide if I stay here any longer. And it's not because your companionship isn't enough for me. There's a war going on in my head. I've got these horrible, embarrasing thoughts constantly showing themselves all the time. They're not about you...I have nothing but good thoughts about you. No complaints whatsoever. They're all about my father, Kelly, Ashley, and Franklin. I need to get away from my situation. I could handle these thoughts in a rational way if I wasn't in the situation I'm in. But I'm afraid if I stay here much longer I'm going to do something terrible to one or all of these people. I don't want to go to prison. And I PROMISE you I could deal with this far away..I'm not just bullshitting to keep you from feeling I don't care about you. I don't really think I could injure my father, but the other 3 I don't know about. I avoided going to Franklin's the other night because of that. Just let me be on my own and get some therapy, ok? Outlook hosptial is still calling my mom randomly to see when I'm coming in for an evaluation...I don't need that lesbain bitch breathing down my neck about not being able to look her in the eye (Dr. David). I still want to see you before I move. If you don't, that's ok. I don't want to fuck your life up. You're still young. I'm sorry you ever had to meet a person like me. Tyler Current Mood: numb Current Music: Requiem for a Dream Sndtrk

Fri, Jul. 26th, 2002, 09:23 am The Lines of Good and Evil are blocked back to their original configuration Moved to Baltimore. 'Nuff said. :) :) :) Also totalled my car and shattered the windshield with the side of my face. So now no car (it's ok I can take the bus until I get a new one) But my face is all gross looking but rapidly healing. Almost done in fact. Job interview Monday. Must remember to heckle the other two possible job prospects. Good news from the old state. My CD was found along with my last paycheck from work. They'll be here soon. Ahhh, I went to see my father before I moved. He really does live in the 'hood as he calls it. Quite a black part of town. He bought us all some gonga, I bought us all some Hurricane malt liquor, and good times were had by all. Yes.....that was a nice vacation..... Ya know what? shucks. If I ever got tired of Baltimore.....I honestly wouldn't mind living in Hot Springs AR. That was a cool fucking city. But I honestly don't see myself getting tired of Baltimore. The sick man's utopia. I love it here. I want some YuengLing Lager. And I have none. Damn. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Buckcherry - Lit Up

Tue, Aug. 13th, 2002, 05:45 pm Transitions are a real bitch......... Well...finally got a job. That's a good thing I guess. Back on my favorite shift of 10pm-6am. But jesus god. I have a whole lot to do. My feet don't stop hurting. I stay on them every second. For 7.50 an hour. I remember no less than 3 months ago I'd go to work at night and lean back in my reclining chair, in front of a computer all night for 9.50 an hour. Go out on leisurely breaks every couple of hours to smoke a big joint in my car with the supervisor before going back in and plopping down in my little cubicle. I had quite a bit of money, easy access to weed, and a very comfortable life. But I wasn't happy. Now I have no money, absolutely no weed, and I'm never comfortable. But I'm happy. And the money and weed will come with time. The comfortable job will too if I whore myself out on for the next month or so. But that's that. Ahh and Leslie's coming to see me all the way from Allentown PA. Known her since about 1994...never thought in my wildest fucking dreams I would ever, ever meet this girl. But she's spending the weekend. Life is weird, but it still hasn't gotten weird enough for me. Kicking and screaming am I being dragged into the decade of 2000-2010. This has been the shittiest period of my existence. All new music sucks. The conservative attitude society as a whole has taken sucks. Weezer sold out.....AND their video is played way too fucking much. And if I hear that goddam Chili Peppers/Nelly/Perfect Circle video one more time...I'm taking this 80% empty St. Ide's 40oz bottle sitting next to the computer screen and chucking it at the tv. With some amount of force. Wish there was a nice little corridor under my bed I could crawl back to 1995-98 for a while. If I could find my spice girls video and some good herb that could be accomplished. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: TV - CSPAN (President's Economic Forum)

Wed, Oct. 23rd, 2002, 06:24 pm Reporting straight from the Fletcher Memorial Home.... What a weird and bumpy ride it's been. Still not weird enuf. Better job, easier work. Ahh what else? Ahh yes...scored some Northern Lights. The primo ganga. Paul looked like some sort of horrible caucasian nasty Bhudda sitting cross-legged on his couch savoring the effects. Sitting around talking in the quiet of his "room" motivates yet I don't know. I'll go crazy if I have to sit through another visit minus a VCR. It's getting ridiculous. Life is soooo Slloooooowww. Argh. But very soon I will have a car. A Saturn hopefully. It's unfortunate to say my memory is getting worse. I can no longer remember what my friend Ben's face looks like. I need seafood. And some good blow. Wheeeeeeeeee! Current Mood: devious Current Music: Buck Cherry - Lit Up

Thu, Dec. 5th, 2002, 04:06 pm Sigmund Freud you bastard.... I'm very very stoned at the moment, but very very lonely. Argh, I must meet more new people. Why do I always get mixed up in relationships with unstable emotional cokeheads? Jamie borrows 60$ and tells me I'm so sweet she's about to cry, and it's been 4 days since she's called me. She'd better have my money soon or I'm taking it out of her ass. Well, maybe cocaine isn't such a bad drug after all. My first experience a while ago(2 years) wasn't very pleasant, but I had a nice little time the other night. I wish I had something right now to fix my headache. It won't go away. Balls. What else? The car I'm getting has a sunroof. I've always wanted a car with a sunroof. Aaand I get to see my daddy at Christmas. That's always a good thing. Plus I'm going to see him in court for the $10,000 dollars he owes me. I am a greedy asshole swine. I'm going to get off here and go walk aimlessly around the library. Current Mood: high Current Music: Library Noises

Thursday, September 12 12:12 a.m. Women in combat In front of the burned-down bar Were caught, arrested 1:58 a.m. The gleaming donut shop is a fluourescent beacon, attracting those aborne on wings of cocktails like a moth to flame. Police released one flighty soul to a sober pal. 2:27 a.m. But the man allegedly found driving a car in drunken fashion at 14th and I streets was not allowed to further put the lives of others at risk. 9:19 a.m. Car windows were graffitized on upper H Street, and this time it wasn't "Wash Me." 9:59 a.m. Someone took a bag of garbage out of a can in front of a 14th Street home and relocated it to the fish pond in the backyard. 12:03 p.m. A woman called from out of town, telling police that her boyf had said, in the heat of a discussion, that he'd go to her apartment and "make her sorry." When he calmed down, he scaled back the threat, saying he meant he'd leave a "dirty note" on her door. 1:51 p.m. Two of those who donate their lung tissues to filter THC from the environment were found so cleansing the atmosphere behind the Redwood Lodge. An officer had them sign paperwork suggesting that a better approach might be to not boldly burn budly nuggets in the first place – at least not there. 2:40 p.m. So drunk it wasn't funny at Eighth and H streets. 4:33 p.m. A "very dirty and scraggly" (but apparently not scruffy) alleged shoplifter was cited at a Valley West food place. 4:34 p.m. The only reason the cops found out about a driver's outstanding warrant was the little matter of him crashing into two parked cars on K Street. Off to Big Pink. 5:12 p.m. Four hangabouts capped a long day of leisure ambling around aimlessly a business at the terminus of Eighth Street. They were sent along. 6:27 p.m. A 16-year-old who'd been hit by a car at one of the most blown intersections in town – Chester Avenue and Beverly Drive – was hospitalized. 7:04 p.m. A traveler's alleged extreme intoxication turned him into a Pinko. 7:49 p.m. A woman alone wanted to use the ATM at a 21st century Plaza bank, but didn't feel safe doing so because of the two cro-magnons lurking close at hand. An officer, prepared to fend off any hunter-gatherer predators, stood by while she completed her transaction. 8:59 p.m. Someone broke into a Lewis Avenue home, seemingly for the sole purpose of leaving a pen and a gum wrapper. But don't expect to see them microanalyzed on Forensic Files – the intruder/litterbugs didn't steal anything. 10:13 p.m. Another drunk, this time at good old Ninth and H. No, Arcata Current Mood: amused

Tue, Jan. 21st, 2003, 12:42 pm A Complete Bastard Yay, financial aid is coming. I was almost about to shoplift my college textbooks, which I'm still considering. To hell with these overpriced books. Well....Barbara wants to move back to Knoxville. Dad's relieved, due to the lack of meaningful employment in the not-so-productive metropolis of Hot Springs,AR. Her son in law's grandfather apparently blew his brains out in his car last week, and apperently bummed him out enough for her to visit TN. Wish I could have seen her. In time I guess. I'm not looking all that forward to go to work today, to take live calls for the first time. Days Inn hotel reservations. I do get commission tho. Up to 14$ an hour if I do it PERFECT. Don't hold your breath. Current Mood: high Current Music: Sir Mix-a-Lot - baby got back

Thu, Feb. 6th, 2003, 08:17 pm Dancing stickies... obsessed with the dancing stickies.. so cm'on along and get your rear in gear! Current Mood: excited

Thu, Feb. 13th, 2003, 12:36 pm Tyler's 40oz MALT LIQUOR REVIEW! :-D Felt poetic...... Colt 45 Potency: 7…this be a good jammy for my beginners and young niggas. Some thirsty niggas be swayed by the extra 5 ounces. Taste: smooth like a pack newports. Price: $1.59 Availability: you can find this in any hood and even ghetto outskirts Goes best with: any occasion. Colt 45 has been a staple of a brothers diet for years. I busted out the womb totin a C45. Always smooth….Always gets your swerve on! Bang for buck: 7 (Works everytime) St. Ides Potency: 8, Never the same drunk twice Taste: robust and ill, a true gangsta favorite Price: 1.50 Availability: standard 40oz issue. The crooked eye be as widespread as a ghetto bitch's legs. Goes best with: lootin and a bucket of extra crispy. This is the official 40 of the LA riots and is sponsored by South Central. My pitbulls favorite 40 be the saint. Goes down easy and comes up even easier. Bang for buck: 8 (People say it ain't wise to get faded off the Saint Ides) Country Club Potency: 5 Taste: smooth but not much bite like hard hittin steel reserve. It keeps you wantin that extra malt flava. Price: 1.89 (but worf every penny…aka "the bently" of 40s) Availability: This shit is about as rare as a white boy in Detroit…its usually found in the uppa end projects. Goes best with: rollin on dubz and fine dining at KFC. This 40 here is for my upscale niggas…and a good sippin tea for yo bitch. This is the typa shit you serve in a glass when wining and dining your ho. Its shows you go the extra quarter to treat her like a nubian princess. Also good for showin up to job interviews with…lets em know you a high roller and you aint settling for nothing but a management position. Bang for buck: 5 (more of a coolin out, relaxin beverage. It aint the type of shit you be bangin down befo a night rollin in the '64) Old English 800 Potency: 9, this shit ain't foolin…don't even get me started on its cousin OE ice!! Taste: hardcore malt style…a true Negro classic since seventy deuce. The gold label be screamin high quality shit. Price: 1.29 (a real steal at this price) Availability: all da hoods be stockin OE. available in the badazz 64oz. for the thirstiest of niggas. Goes best with: afletic activities and a rack of ribs. Whether it be drive-bys, runnin ball, or straight-up illin on the corner, this shit goes best with summer heat. This be the offical outdoor 40 of da 2011 Harlem Olympics. It's the homeboys answer to corona…throw a few splashes of grape soda up in this mug and TA DOW- NIGGAS BE GRILLIN LIKE A MOFO! Bang for buck: 9 Steel Reserve 211 Potency: 10…(my cousin got a tumor after swillin down 2 of em Taste: 3. This shit is whack! 8 outta 10 doctors recommend the steel. Theres chunks of barley and hops in the bottle…it means you be gettin all your minerals and vitamins Price: 1.19 Availability: found in a good percentage of ghettos. Banned in 6 states. Goes best with: gang bangin/thuggin, fat L's and choking out coaches. This is the official brew of Latrell Spreewell. Bang for buck: 9 Fact: 211 be the cali police code for armed robbery. My brothers…think before you steal! Don't be drinkin this shit and think you runnin from any cops. You aint runnin nowhere! You'll get yo ass Rodney Kinged! The Supreme Potency: 12 (8.0% alc. vol. Call up your public defender and GET YOUR BAIL MONEY READY) Taste: 2….tastes like stale natty with two shots of robotussin Price: 98 cents Canadian (that's fiddy cent US). For negros that are low on funds. Availability: only up north in Quebec and maybe some other Canadian states…I never knew my up-north niggas had it in em! NAFTA banned this shit from coming to the US. Jesse Jackson be working round the clock to change that. Goes best with: Rioting, jail cells, gats, and the homeless. THIS SHIT AINT PLAYING GAMES, like 2 forties for the price of one. Bang for buck: 10…you cant get more banged up for a dollar than downin two of these jammies…GAURANTEED!! Camo Potency: 10…this shit is strictly for the hardcore 40 enthusiast Taste: stale urine with a hint of petroleum Price: a good deal at 1.09 or 2 food stamps Availabilty: most any hoods on the west coast. More rare in the east Goes best with: hoopdees, wife beatin, ruff rydin, and water melon. This right here is a good family event brew. Whether you be throwin a tube top on your bitch and bouncing to a wedding, or praying in church, Camo be liftin all types of spirits in me. This shit goes down smooth for all my brothers who be looking for that playa flava, but cant be affordin the chrome. For all my homies rollin on hub caps… Im feelin ya! Bang for buck: 9 (gets your bitch in the mood quicka….makes your jimmy thicka) Current Mood: mellow Current Music: Johnny Cash - NIN cover

Wed, Feb. 19th, 2003, 04:02 pm ~squelch~ I had such fun hanging out w/ my coworkers the other night at that jazz bar downtown. And getting to know them (the couple I work with) outside of work confirmed my beliefs that they were both totally insane. If the weird David Lynch stares weren't enough...I asked about if they could score me some weed, and this sent them off on a tirade of "SURE! got that stuff laying around everywhere at our apartment...of course we prefer opium and morphine" I thought they were being sarcastic at first...until I actually got hooked up. Strange people. They seem nice enough..... I haven't heard from Paul in a really really really long while. I'm worried he done got hisself locked up or something. Fuckup prone. YES........... SOMEONE IS IMING ME WHO IS VERY VALUABLE TO ME RIGHT NOW.... :::CCCP:::THE RED COMMIE SCUM :::CCCP::: Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Buck Cherry

Fri, Feb. 21st, 2003, 02:47 pm Busy busy day.... Decided to get dressed and get out early this morning. I couldn't sleep last night-again-so I'm running on no sleep on a busy goddam Friday. 3 Classes finished so far..Just got out of German class and I have to catch my Russian tutoring by 4:30, and then be at work at 6. Thank god russian and german are extremely different, otherwise they'd mix in my head funny and I'd have to drop one. Brandon had better email me this evening. I have nothing to do and a lot of money and i'll be damned if I'm going to sit at home and watch Absolutely Fabulous again on a Friday night. mmm German....there's this girl in my German class I really really want to go down on. And I'm not usually into blondes.....strange. ARGH! Either way..this day is getting to me.... Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: none

Fri, Feb. 21st, 2003, 07:48 pm Days Inn...... Wheee! I'm at work. And noone wants a room. Well, Russian went well. I'm still on past participles and verbs. Learning the alphabet all over again is a proverbial pain in the ass. Half the letters mean completely different sounds than english. It looks like Latin gibberish on paper. ah well, over with. The night holds god knows what.... Current Mood: anxious Current Music: The music of Days Inn customer voices

Fri, Apr. 25th, 2003, 07:04 pm Mixed blessings.... Things have been absolutely horrible and nice at the same time. I've been in a serious bind as far as money goes, and the engine in my little ghettosled literally melted on the highway one morning commuting to school. So now I'm driving a horrible looking p.o.s. loner pickup truck until I get a new car, which hopefully isn't too far off. But....can anyone out there honestly pay attention to that menial bullshit when you've got a 15 year old girl grinding into your crotch and telling you how much she wants you? The girl that you wished you had in high school...the one in the miniskirt and the light tan on the cheerleading squad? These things happen the most unexpected of times.. The bumper sticker was right....Marxists Get Crazy Laid. Current Mood: horny

Tue, May. 6th, 2003, 08:52 pm Wish You Were Here by: Pink Floyd you think you can tell Heaven from Hell? Blue skies from pain? Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell And did they get you to trade Your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? Did you exchange A walk-on part in the war For a lead role in a cage? How I wish.... How I wish you were here.. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl Year after year Running over the same old ground Have we found the same old fears Wish you were here Current Mood: blank

Wed, May. 7th, 2003, 02:11 pm My life is sad and worthless....but it's okay... Well all sorts of crazy things taking place recently. The most recent would be the 40oz of Olde English I just drained before I got on here. That's making me feel so much better about the day in general. I got a new car the other day. 2003 Ford Focus. I'm really happy about it, especially since I walked off the lot without paying any down payment on it. But more of my best friends is dead. :( My friend Josh went up in the woods behind his house a couple days ago and put a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out. If only I had known something was wrong...I talked to him the day before he did it. I feel sort of at fault for not asking him if anything was bothering him. It's ok tho...picking up a half-ounce of dirty nasty high school-grade schwag before I go to work. That should take care of any psychological infirmities I'll have at that time. But I think I'll go and watch the rain and think about Josh...I need to before I break down.... Current Mood: sad

Sun, Jun. 8th, 2003, 05:12 pm Shitty....SHITTY month.... My emotions have been getting the better of me. It is not a good thing. I've developed a godawful nasty allergic rash on my elbows, arms, legs and extremities. I'm definitely allergic to something, and it's spread around making me look nasty. I'm very sad. I could contribute a million reasons to this, all of which wouldn't really directly explain my sadness. One of which is I haven't been high in 2 or more weeks. I lost count. If I don't get some weed soon I'm going to go batshit insane. This rash isn't making things any better. And I have to stop worry about that crazy girl I'm seeing. If she's going to associate with the dumbest motherfuckers I've ever had the displeasure of meeting, that's her problem. Fuck her and those dumbasses. I need to see my dad. It's been too long. I have noone to talk to anymore...everyone has left me, except for my new friends..and I have nothing but contempt for them. Instead of having meaningful conversation with anyone, I've had to "put up" with these new stupid friends of mine. I also hate everything about this year I'm living in. I'd give anything to sleep through this horrible decade. I need a new job. People are getting to me. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Radiohead- Be quiet and drive(far far away) deftones cover

Fri, Aug. 8th, 2003, 12:26 am Jolly good show, wot.... I...have been put on zyprexa for...dig...."acute bipolar mania". That's crazy, no? What else, what else...ooh found a nice web site that sells perscription drugs....without a perscription...I'm going to buy an entire shitload of 200mg Thorazine pills and zonk my brain out for about two months. Signed up for school, which is starting soon. I'm very blank at the moment. It's probably the zyprexa, which like thorazine, is an antipsychotic, and causes such behavior. I haven't had any alcohol since I can remember...I've not had any desire for it, really, which is strange. I guess Renee's decided I'm not a love interest anymore. I guess I just wasn't meant to be with another person? Oh well, I do like the solitude.... Current Mood: blank

Thu, Aug. 14th, 2003, 06:56 pm Yay! It's mah birthday today! Happy birthday to me.... Current Mood: bouncy

Mon, Sep. 15th, 2003, 04:02 pm Weird thoughts.... Anyone else out there feel like they've lived past their life expectancy? I feel like my life should have been over a long time ago, I'm just waiting to die. A very odd feeling. I'm going to stop taking my meds. I can't stay awake in class when I've taken them, and I can't afford to fail anything. Ate some shrooms at my friend Brandon's house the other day and watched him go down on his girlfriend in front of me. A very strange experience. Oh well. Back to work I go....

Tue, Oct. 14th, 2003, 04:10 pm Dope smokin' good time I'll be gone on Halloween weekend. To go see Rocky Horror! EEEE! Still haven't decided what I'm going to dress up as. My father invited me to Arkansas to spend the weekend with him, but that's neither doable nor feasible. I'm currently checking rates around the theater for hotels...I might go with Days Inn, partly because I used to work for them and know that they don't require a security deposit. Plus they're only four miles from the theater. I'd order some absinthe for the occasion if it didn't take so long for it to come in. More later..... Furries, plushies, and vore people are absolutely fucking sick. I can understand/accept foot fetishes, pregnancy fetishes, watersports, fisting etc., but to think about yourself being/eating/dressing up like a fucking cartoon animal is beyond bad taste. You people are the sorriest losers in the worst possible way. (Had to get that off my chest) Current Mood: excited

Thu, Jan. 22nd, 2004, 04:28 pm Things I've found written on Bathroom Walls "If Jesus was Jewish, why does he have a Spanish name?" "There is nothing so pure as the kindness of an atheist." "Make love, not war." response: "Hell, do both: get married!" "No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap." "some come here to sit and think some come here to shit and stink but I came here to scratch my balls and read the writing on the walls" "They paint the walls to cover my pen, but the shit-house poet strikes again!" "Here I sit in a misty vapor Some damn fool stole the toilet paper My bus is late and I cannot linger Lookout butt here comes my finger" "Please flush twice. It's a long way to the kitchen!" "I fucked your Mom" (written underneath) "Go home dad you're drunk." "Jesus saves." (Added on below) "And Moses scores on the rebound!" "Those who write on bathroom walls should roll their shit in little balls. And those who read those lines of wit, eat these little balls of shit." "Be like Brother, NOT like Sis, lift the seat before you PISS!" (Written on the front of a condom machine) "This gum tastes like shit!" "Here I sit buttocks a flexin' givin birth to another Texan." "There was an old man from Peru, Who fell asleep in his canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, and awoke in a boat full of goo." "In the days of old when knights were bold and toliets weren't invented. They'd drop there load by the road and ride away contented." I am easily amused. More pics soon. Current Mood: contemplative

Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004, 06:17 pm Goatse is gone. How very sad. Pinko???? You dirty toad-lookin bastard. You know it. Well update update update. My sister walked in the door this afternoon from school yelling at me for.............what reason? I asked to borrow her library card and she starts off on a hate-diatribe that lasted a good 5 min. I lost something very crucial to her sanity a few months ago, and she's still fuming about it. I promised her I'd buy her a blown-glass one as soon as I got a paycheck, but NOOO. A perfect excuse to verbally abuse me to the point where I want to stick a Milwaukee sawzall in her ass, ducttape her buttcheeks shut, and turn it on. She actin' a damn fool. My knee hurts. I was speed skating at the ice skating rink last sunday, some kid ran into me and busted my ass something awful. Have a big nasty black-and blue area on my good knee now. My new job starts Feb.'ll be the most money I've ever made before..I'm excited. Second court appearance is on Feb. 18th. My attorney's going to start claiming my right to a speedy trial if the cop doesn't show this time. I'm going to get off either way, so I'm happy. What else.....???? Oh yeah. I'm going to do an adult film soon! :) :) :) Not actually start in it. I'm going to be weilding the camera.(Weild?..Wield?...screw it) That's going to be fun. Now, I leave you with a pic of the perfect woman. Some girls will put anything in their mouth....... Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Progressive trance

Sat, Jan. 31st, 2004, 09:33 pm ::retarded:: YYAAAAAYYY My sister has a journal now. Her journal name is NattyLove. Check it out. Or add her as a friend. Or both. That means you, Paul "Donkey Punch" Morgan. Current Mood: giggly

Fri, Apr. 2nd, 2004, 12:27 pm SOMEONE NEEDS TO SQUARE THEIR ASS AWAY AND START SHITTING ME TIFFANY CUFFLINKS!!!! WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION NUMBNUTS???!?!?! HEHE. Riggghhhtt. Okay. Life is boring and stagnant. Absolutely nothing new happening whatsoever. I hope you stay out of the tank, Paul. You've got me genuinely WORRIED now, and so does the delightful Miss Kelly, what with that dropping off the face of the earth and stuff. I must find something to do on the weekends. I think I have an idea, but I won't elaborate now. I want things to MOVE FORWARD. Things are TOO SLOW. And Russian is difficult learnin'. Bye for now. Current Mood: predatory

Tue, Apr. 20th, 2004, 04:26 pm happy birthday. Once a year we celebrate With stupid hats and plastic plates The fact that you were able to make Another trip around the sun And the whole clan gathers round And gifts and laughter do abound And we let out a joyful sound And sing that stupid song Happy birthday! Now you're one year older! Happy birthday! Your life still isn't over! Happy birthday! You did not accomplish much But you didn't die this year I guess that's good enough So let's drink to your fading health And hope you don't remind yourself The chance of finding fame and wealth Decrease with every year Does it feel like you're doing laps And eating food and taking naps And hoping that someday perhaps Your life will hold some cheer Happy birthday! What have you done that matters? Happy birthday! You're starting to get fatter Happy birthday! It's downhill from now on Try not to remind yourself Your best years are all gone If cryogenics were all free Then you could live like Walt Disney And live for all eternity Inside a block of ice But instead your time is set This is the only life you get And though it hasn't ended yet Sometimes you wish it might Happy birthday! You wish you had more money Happy birthday! Your life's so sad it's funny Happy birthday! How much more can you take? But your friends are hungry So just cut the stupid cake Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday, dear... Happy birthday, numbnuts... Current Mood: indescribable

Thu, Apr. 22nd, 2004, 11:37 am The Note.... Dear Sir, We attempted to visit you but you weren't home. Since the door was unlocked, we entered your house, collected the pubic hairs off your toilet seat, and glued them to the heads of your child's Lego figurines. Attached to this note you will find a brick. We suggest that you flagellate yourself with it and hope that buys you some time before Jehovah decides to smite you with his laser guided fists of justice. Current Mood: amused

Tue, May. 4th, 2004, 05:36 pm Cute little week..... Things are looking up. I'm pretty sure the gap-insurance company is going to pay off my old car, which will warrant a celebration of fairly large proportions. That stupid car's been hanging over my head since November. That will be such a relief. Hm. I feel very healthy. I went ice skating three times last weekend at the new ice rink they opened down the highway from my house. That's a total of six hours nonstop skating, so naturally my lower legs feel like they're woven out of iron now. I could barely walk yesterday though. Very good exercise. Especially had fun saturday night. They keep it open from 8:45 to 10:45 pm and shut off all the lights. I was speed skating with some kid going god knows how fast and I wiped out, landed on my knees and hit a wall. It would have been extremely funny if I hadn't been wearing nylon jogging pants at time. Ouch. I want to play hockey again, but my work schedule pretty much nixes that. Maybe someday. Someday seems so far away.... Current Mood: lonely

Wed, May. 5th, 2004, 05:51 pm [private] I am become death..... shooter Shut up and shoot it. are you a school shooter? brought to you by Quizilla Good thing high school was only four years long.... Current Mood: predatory

Thu, May. 27th, 2004, 03:21 pm [private] Exactly. For what is the beloved? She is that which I myself am not. In the act of love, I am pure male, and she is pure female. She is she, and I am I, and clasped together with her, I know how perfectly she is not me, how perfectly I am not her, how utterly we are two, the light and the darkness, and how infinetly and eternally, not-to-be-comprehended by either of us is the surpassing One we make. - D.H. Lawrence I love you. Current Mood: nostalgic

Fri, Aug. 13th, 2004, 06:22 pm [private] Fun weekend Tomorrow's my birthday. I got a new pair of hockey skates. I got weed. I got Karma Police by Radiohead stuck in my head. Film at 11. Current Mood: high

Thu, Aug. 19th, 2004, 06:54 pm [private] Hehe... Today was soooooo slow..and boring..and mundane... and someone called me at work, and now it's a happy-happy look I'm More Perky Than You day! hehe...certain people put me in such lovely moods.... There's a certain gossipy alkie I want to cuddle with right now.... Current Mood: happy

Mon, Aug. 30th, 2004, 11:29 am [private] Ouch My face hurts. I was playing amateur hockey at my well-known friendly neighborhood ice rink saturday night. Got body checked. Fell. My cheek broke the fall. On nasty, rough ice. So naturally I have a big sore on my swollen cheek, and two of my back teeth were knocked loose. My shoulder hurts too...that was the secondary fall-breaker. My gums are killing me. Ow ow ow. Current Mood: sore

Fri, Sep. 3rd, 2004, 07:15 pm [private] I am become death..... Something tells me I'm going to be giggling and crying with frustration four hours into this trip. I never remember the ride as being very long, but once you start in on it, it all comes back in full force. Five hundred miles is a fucking long way. And takes forever to negotiate. Music, cigarettes, sticky nugs, and coffee. Optional 24oz of Heineken. I need to go buy rolling papers and a disposable camera. And duct tape. Current Mood: restless

Tue, Sep. 7th, 2004, 04:24 pm [private] sitting here pondering the unfairness of life.... Do you realize That you have the most beautiful face? Do you realize We're floating in space? Do you realize That happiness makes you cry? Do you realize That everyone you know someday will die? And instead of saying all of your good-byes Let them know you realize that life goes fast It's hard to make the good things last You realize the sun doesn't go down It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round Do you realize? Current Mood: sad

Wed, Sep. 15th, 2004, 12:24 pm [private] Who saw this coming??? You are Choke. What Chuck Palahniuk novel are you? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: horny

Tue, Oct. 19th, 2004, 02:23 pm [private] HeHeHeHeHeHeHeHehEheheh LOL LMAO ROFLMAO!!!! Meredith, you rock.

Fri, Oct. 22nd, 2004, 01:53 pm [private] Thought this was interesting.... How common are johnnyiv's interests Universal love (204364) sex (164833) Popular girls (95181) life (54696) psychology (64316) Common alcohol (46490) bauhaus (10935) blood (40417) buffy the vampire slayer (27858) david lynch (11086) death (43740) fight club (49579) fucking (11294) german (10873) hate (17746) insanity (12838) insomnia (13216) lust (17049) marijuana (11897) myself (10781) pain (25197) penguins (18156) snl (13232) you (32403) Specialist absinthe (5823) absolutely fabulous (3723) atari teenage riot (2553) baltimore (2009) bile (1989) bourbon (1503) cocaine (3543) communism (5095) cunnilingus (2361) democrats (6609) dxm (1192) etc (6099) ethics (3538) evil (8949) fear (8690) gg allin (2252) kelly (1348) liberals (3833) lsd (3266) mst3k (7070) oral sex (8923) orgies (1632) paranoia (3174) perversion (1520) pleasure (4342) pussy (4716) razorblades (2293) russia (6288) russian (3656) s&m (5281) sadness (5019) saliva (5659) schizophrenia (2181) sex toys (4148) torture (4000) valium (1005) Unusual 40s (906) antisocial personality disorder (41) autoerotic asphyxiation (88) b&d (564) buck cherry (71) church of euthanasia (76) dismemberment (260) dopamine (212) eating girls out (25) eating pussy (692) eraserhead (856) haldol (38) hunter thompson (458) jennifer saunders (286) kgb (265) knoxville (439) lacerations (71) lenny bruce (538) man bites dog (146) moonshine (334) multiple personality disorder (292) oxycontin (259) pabst blue ribbon (915) psycopaths (14) rachel dratch (225) schlitz malt liquor (16) sigmund freud (744) straitjackets (60) sweat (997) thorazine (70) vomit (752) wet pussy (136) (13) Rare sleeping medication (2) Enter username: InterestRank was bought to you by _imran_ and Current Mood: cheerful

Fri, Dec. 3rd, 2004, 03:29 pm The Genius Of Doctor Benway DR. BENWAY ---------------------------------------------------------------------The lavatory has been locked for three hours solid... I think they are using it for an operating room.... NURSE: "I can't find her pulse, doctor." DR. BENWAY: "Maybe she got it up her snatch in a finger stall." NURSE: "Adrenalin, doctor?" DR. BENWAY: "The night porter shot it all up for kicks." He looks around and picks up one of those rubber vacuum cups at the end of a stick they use to unstop toilets.... He advances on the patient.... "Make an incision, Doctor Limpf," he says to his appalled assistant... "I'm going to massage the heart." Dr. Lympf shrugs and beings the incision. Dr. Benway washes the suction cup by swishing it around in the toiletbowl... NURSE: "Shouldn't it be sterilized, doctor?" DR BENWAY: "Very likely but there's no time." He sits on the suction cup like a cane seat watching his assistant make the incision... "You young squirts couldn't lance a pimple without an electric vibrating scalpel with automatic drain and suture... Soon we'll be operating by remote control on patients we never see... We'll be nothing but button pushers. All the skill is going out of surgery... All the know-how and make-do... Did I ever tell you about the time I performed an appendectomy with a rusty sardine can? And once I was caught short without instrument one and removed a uterine tumor with my teeth. That was in the Upper Effendi, and besides..." DR. LIMPF: "The incision is ready, doctor." Dr. Benway forces the cup into the incision and works it up and down. Blood spurts all over the doctors, the nurse and the wall... The cup makes a horrible sucking sound. NURSE: "I think she's gone, doctor." DR. BENWAY: "Well, it's all in a day's work." He walks across the room to the medicine cabinet... "Some fucking drug addict has cut my cocaine with Saniflush! Nurse! Send the boy out to fill this RX on the double!" Dr. Benway is operating in an auditorium filled with students: "Now, boys, you won't see this operation performed very often and there's a reason for that... You see it has absolutely no medical value. No one knows what the purpose of it originally was or if it had a purpose at all. Personally I think it was a pure artistic creation from the beginning. "Just as a bull fighter with his skill and knowledge extricates himself from danger he has himself invoked, so in this operation the surgeon deliberately endangers his patient, and then, with incredible speed and clerity, rescues him from death at the last possible split second... Did any of you ever see Dr. Tetrazzini perform? I say perform advisedly because his operations were performances. He would start by throwing a scalpel across the room into the patient and then make his entrance like a ballet dancer. His speed was incredible: 'I don't give them time to die,' he would say. Tumors put him in a frenzy of rage. 'Fucking undisciplined cell!' he would snarl, advancing on the tumor like knife-fighter." A young man leaps down into the operating theatre and, whipping out a scalpel, advances on the patient. DR. BENWAY: "An espontaneo! Stop him before he guts my patient!" (Espontaneo is a bull-fighting term for a member of the audience who leaps down into the ring, pulls out a concealed cape and attempts a few passes with the bull before he is dragged out of the ring.) The orderlies scuffle with the espontaneo, who is finally ejected from the hall. The anesthetist takes advantage of the confusion to pry a large gold filling from the patient's mouth... Current Mood: irritated Current Music: The Deafening Silence of My Phone on My Lunch Break

Mon, Dec. 27th, 2004, 11:57 am [private] Clack clack clack clack clack.... Christmas is over and Tyler is a happy man. I got the neatest gift ever for christmas. Forty million made worldwide, 7.62x39millimeter, designed to kill anything that speaks english. Oh, plus I got towels and clothes and junk. The roof in the front hallway of my apartment caved in last night and water was leaking everywhere. Everyone that was there last night stood around it one by one, until everyone in the building were standing around it. We decided to get some lawn chairs and sent someone out with about $30.00 for Boone's Farm. We sat around it for a good two hours sipping Boone's and looking at it and going "yep" like some sort of disgusting King of the Hill/Trainspotting gone terribly wrong. Ah, Knoxville Tennessee. Current Mood: blah

Mon, Feb. 14th, 2005, 03:54 pm [private] I'm very sad. Saint Thompson has gone to that great drug dealer in the sky, by his own hand. Why'd you do it, Hunter? We'll miss you.

Wed, Apr. 13th, 2005, 07:10 pm [private] In the thorns with you bastards..... I seriously need a job where I do not deal with upper-middle class Americans, anyone from south Florida, New Jersey, or any combination of these cesspools of greed and pissy attitudes. If you call me, and I try or do help you, do not give me shit after the fact. Do not give me shit if it's not my fault. Complaining to me does not change things within the company. Your complaint will not be heard from a Teir-1 callcenter. It makes me depressed and want to walk out of this job. I moved again. I live three minutes from my job, and I live in a big large house with my girlfriend and our roommate, which is fun at times. Despite the fact my girlfriend's a whiny bitch and I lust after the roomie/landlord. We are currently plotting to kill her smelly, braindamaged, desctructive dog that she keeps in the house despite our wishes, and I am just SHAKING for the right time to come up. That thing stinks. It must shuffle off this mortal coil. I want to dip her in gasoline and set her alight and watch her run to death. I buy my bus ticket tomorrow for Arkansas. Planning a Baltimore trip for next month hopefully, but if Miss K isn't feeling well still I'll chill here. I want a large magic marker, some rotten eggs, laughing gas, some soft nylon rope, and duct tape. Do not ask. Current Mood: weird Current Music: please remain holding...your call is important to us

Wed, Apr. 20th, 2005, 05:06 pm [private] Guess what day it is? Yeah, besides that.... I love…… 1) Your incredibly soft hair 2) Your hypnotic green/grey eyes 3) How you giggle when you’re shaken 4) The natural patchouli scent your body gives off 5) That strange cabbage taste when I kiss you 6) When you say “close the light” instead of “turn off the light” 7) When you say “finjer” instead of “finger”. 8) The fact that you have no butt, I’d hate that on anyone else 9) Watching you sleep 10) Your accent 11) Your ability to stand under an ice-cold shower 12) The fact that you take 0% shit off men 13) How you become obsessed with a movie or band for a month/year and then lose interest, like I do 14) When we break out into giggles consisting of pure silliness at the same time 15) The pounding in my chest when I walk up to your house 16) Your dad- he’s a hard motherfucker 17) Your soft, pale skin 18) How impervious to pain you are 19) When you say “warsh” 20) Your taste in clothing 21) Your mom 22) Sleeping next to you 23) That you don’t ever patronize me 24) That my father considers you family 25) That you never feel sorry for yourself 26) Staring for hours at pictures of you 27) Watching you grow older 28) That noone understands me and you, I don’t want them to 29) How every moment spent with you is etched into my memory like I’m autisic 30) That when I’m with you I’m not afraid of anything 31) The hump in your back right below your neck 32) Getting high with you 33) That you can just put down cigarettes like I can 34) How driving 500 miles seems like a ridiculously small price to pay to see you 35) Your chipped nail polish 36) Your extremely soft kisses 37) Wondering what you were like when you were little 38) Wondering what your head looks like this time 39) When you call me doll 40) What a fussy eater you are 41) Watching you hold a baby 42) That you’re tall and lanky like me 43) That you understand when I hug you and don’t want to let go 44) When you grab my clothing really tight when you’re frightened 45) Your perfect posture 46) Your total lack of interest in politics 47) Your little nose 48) Your ability to sit in 100degree heat in a hoodie like me 49) Your every imperfection 50) You. You're more special to me than anyone else. Happy birthday hon. Current Mood: content

Tue, Jun. 14th, 2005, 05:47 pm [private] I don't update enough.... What a week! Fun. Haha I'm about to engage in an enormous drug deal. Herb! MMmmmm. I had a super-fun weekend. I went target practicing on Friday at about noon in the rain. I was supposed to go see my friend Ben and do it out at his house in Crossville, TN but he didn't email me back in time. I must get a muzzle brake/flash hider on the front of my AK-47. The muzzle ride on it is terrible (that's when the barrell flies up toward the sky every time the rifle's shot) and it kicks somewhat hard. A muzzle brake would eliminate all that. This job makes me grumpy grumpy grumpy. Pot after work. Oh yeah I got to see someone very special this weekend!!!!! I was so happy! She looked so unbelieveably beautiful I had a hard time trying to figure out what to say to her and my heart started pounding. That always happens; I get around her and turn into a babbling fool who stumbles over his own words and don't act my age at all. Plus thanks to her daddy I have four new shiny hubcaps. My girlfriend is going to wonder where the hell I got those. She's already suspicious as to why I'm badly sunburned on only one side of my body. I told her I fell asleep in the sun weird. By the way, goddam girl that stuff was STRONG. You could have told me that stuff was going to knock me into outer space before I sparked one up flying down I-66. I'm just kidding it made the ride home great and I was baked silly. It caught me off guard...looked like schwag, felt like rhino tranquilizer. My brother went to go see my dad for two weeks. He looks older all the time. He turns 14 next month. That means I turn 24 in August. That means I'm one year closer to the year I die. Or maybe this will be it. I shall go now before I start thinking. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: "I Will Marry This Girl One Day" By Yllek and the Uoyevol's

Mon, Jul. 18th, 2005, 05:59 pm [private] Blah. ... Same shit, different week. Going to Lexington on the 30th to go see Rocky Horror again at the Kentucky Theater. Usual Absinthe and drunk Steve will be there. I'll be having to share a suite with him. This might involve trash bags and lysol and medical restraints if he gets too crazy. This'll be the last time I do this sort of thing for a while. Last Tango in Lexington: Fear and Loathing in the Zen Room. Current Mood: excited Current Music: Hanin Elias - Girl Serial Killer

Fri, Jul. 22nd, 2005, 12:51 pm [private] My second bottle of La Fee arrived yesterday during lunch. Mmm I love that Parisian. They could make it a little less potent than a head-spinningly 135 proof, but I enjoy it. Available at Taking it to the nudist camp this weekend. I need to go get some SPF 50 sunscreen. There are parts of me that haven't seen direct sunlight in a good 9-10 years. I'm going to fry if I don't. My official religion on my army documents is "Unitarian Universalist". Right up. Current Mood: loved

Wed, Jul. 27th, 2005, 02:14 pm [private] Save the whales..............collect valuable prizes So I got my first tattoo on my left shoulder. It's the ATR symbol. Got it filled in too, so I don't have to get it fucked with later. I'll post a picture as soon as I have one. It's still kind of swollen and painful. I am just dying to see that "March of the Penguins" movie coming out. Is anyone else? I adore penguins. They are god's elite. Current Mood: peaceful

Thu, Aug. 18th, 2005, 02:33 pm [private] There can only be one, laddy So I started fucking with the schemes and color on my livejournal, trying to make it look neat, and I realized I like it this way because that's how it's always been. I have a nasty sinus and throat infection that's lasted a week now, causing a lot of coughing, phlegm, and odd tastes in my mouth. The recruiter finally called me, after not hearing from him for a good month. I don't know what he was thinking, but apparently I'm not disqualified and can still join. Great. Sorry dude, but you're going to have to wait a little while for the THC to filter out. Plus I must study more. Blah. Oh, yeah. Baltimore Trip 2005 - Departing on Greyhound Sept. 8th, @ 12:30am. Returning Sept. 13th, 4:00pm. How many long and lonely times am I going to travel up and down I-81? God looked down and said "Until it kills you." Bad craziness. Current Mood: excited Current Music: Elton John - Rocket Man

Tue, Aug. 30th, 2005, 03:03 pm [private] Some funny things I've found about Tennessee.... Things you Should Know Abot TN Before Moving Here (for Northerners): 1.What sweet tea(tea with sugar) amd sweet milk (not buttermilk) are. 2.Memphis is Detroit with a Southern accent. 3.No snowdays. Just "ice on the road" days. If the temp goes below 25F, we think a new Ice Age is upon us. 4.110 F is "a tad warm". 5. "Kiss my ass" is a perfectly acceptable way to end an argument. 6. Saying "Bless her/his heart" before you insult someone will safely allow you to drag them through the mud. 7.Toast is unnatural. Eat biscuits like God meant you to. 8. Flirtin' is Southern tradition. It doesn't mean you're getting lucky. 9. If you try to speak with our accent, remember draw out your vowels, y'all is two or more people, and y'all's is plural possessive. Don't blame me if you get an ass-whoopin'. 10. If you don't like it down here, the airline goes both ways.All my exes live in Texas that's why I reside with pride in Tennessee "A miserable hell on Earth. Tennessee sucks major ass. It's polluted, since no one ever cleans here. It's also full of ticks and other parasites, and there's nothing to do except play with guns, watch football, and eat chicken-fried steak with a side of lard. The eastern part is the worst." - Ralph Surviving your visit to the Jolly Roger 1.) Do not go any slower than 70 on Pellissippi Parkway. We will mow your ass down. Especially if a Bush sticker is accentuating that out-of-state plate. 75 if you don't want to be tailgated. 2.)Neyland Stadium is pronounced "Nee-land", not "Nay-land". 3.)Alcoa (I'llKillYa) highway is as dangerous as they say it is. Save your asshole driving for I-40 or Pellissippi. 4.)The Simpsons episode IS accurate, the glass in the Sunsphere has been known to fall out, so watch it. 5.)Yes, we all own guns. Even the hippies. 6.)Blount county is pronounced "Blunt". Not "Blawnt". 7.)Speed through the yellow lights. If you slow down through it to make sure cars aren't coming from the side, you will be awarded with honks and fingers. Stop at a yellow and enjoy the physical beating and possible carjacking. 8.)Do not attempt to drive on Cumberland Avenue during a Vols game day. Your car will be surrounded and possibly overtaken by a large mob of drunken crazies all covered in orange paint and clothing. 9.)Do not call East Towne mall Knoxville Center Mall. We don't care if it's not in East Knoxville. They can rename our malls any bullshit names they want, we're still going to call it East Towne. Any utterance of "Knoxville Center" will be met with dirty looks. 10.)If you're from the far north, or west coast, or especially New Jersey, go ahead and stay the hell out of Anderson County. Current Mood: amused

Wed, Sep. 28th, 2005, 01:12 pm [private] Alright, cool.... So I win this movie on Ebay called "Strawberry Estates". It's a really not-so-good (okay, horrible) b-movie made in 1997. Kind of like the Blair Witch, but much, much worse. I really like it for some reason. So bad, it's funny, ya know? Turns out the guy selling it on Ebay is the director. (I think this in itself illustrates how shitty this movie is) Anyway, I asked him to sign the dvd case for me and he said he would! This has made me really happy and excited today. Anyone who is familiar with this film won't be impressed in the least bit by this, but it's put a smile on my face. Everyone go to and tell me what you think of my Baltimore pictures. Most of them came out quite well. I might be moving to Sevierville, TN soon. It's about eight miles outside the Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge area. Questions, comments anyone? I'm somewhat happy about it, but winter is coming, and it gets very cold and snowy up there since it's pretty much in the mountains. I'm sure it'll make for some nice pictures. I'm currently looking for a job up there, so I won't drive so far to work every day. I'm very, very tired today. I have red nail marks all over my back and my asscheeks, and teethmarks on my chest. Got down and dirty last night. But now I'm starving because I forgot to eat dinner. Too busy eating something else I guess. I finally got to bed at 3am. I need a bath and some tylenol and more sleep. "Whoa he didn't spend half the night having raunchy, sweaty sex and then get up the next morning and throw dirty clothes on and go right to work without a bath or shower did he?" Yes he did. I'm not just slutty, I'm icky as well. Okay that's all. Blah. Current Mood: tired

Thu, Oct. 13th, 2005, 05:45 pm [private] Cool.... FACT: You embody the German principle of Konstantzusammenschaft, which is best described in English (without using the obscure English word "sammenschaft") as "eternal togethermanship". The Loverboy Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm) Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships--as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment. You've had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You're a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too. Your exact opposite: The Billy Goat Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you'll get bored. And then instead of surprising her with flowers or a practical joke, you'll surprise her by leaving. ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph CONSIDER: The Window Shopper, The Peach Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: noneofyourbusiness

Sun, Nov. 13th, 2005, 03:43 pm [private] No more working at Marriott thank goodness. Still joining the Army. I have a piss test on Tuesday at 1:30. Which is a practice test for my real piss test at the place where I go and get my physical done. They just want to make sure I'll be able to pass the real one. It's usually easy for me to refrain from smoking pot during times when I need to be clean from it, but the fact that I'm in my girlfriend's apartment alone while she is at work, drinking, and there's a half ounce of it laying on the nightstand in the bedroom is making it difficult. Arrgh! All good things to those who wait, I guess. Dad's happy I'm doing this. He said it would have made his dad proud, who was in World War 2. Dad was bitching about how he should have joined up and not married my mother. I had to remind him he would have been sent to Vietnam, and I wouldn't be here. I'm happy I'm probably leaving East Tennessee for good. Knoxville has gone downhill. There is no longer any good scene to be in, and almost all of my friends have moved away or got lost in their own little world. I'm a knoxville person at heart, but the party is over, so to speak. Time to get the hell out. Plus my relationship with my girlfriend is going nowhere, really. I'm sure we'll always be good friends, but I think she's realized we're just way too different to get married. It's exciting to think that in a year's time, I'll have a completely different life than the one I have now. Enough about the army. There's a whole bunch of movies out I want to see right now. The one about Johnny Cash (Walk The Line I think?), the Jarhead one, Saw 2, the one about Joe McCarthy (Good Night And Good Luck?). I'll end up missing them all, but I'll see them sooner or later. It's getting so cold here. Goddam, these apartment walls are so thin I can hear the next door neighbor talking on the phone to whoever. I wonder what they hear? Current Mood: thankful

Wed, Dec. 14th, 2005, 05:34 pm [private] having trouble finding people that I can talk to without having to resort to feigned empathy and patronization. I guess that's the best way I can word how I feel right now. But I can't tell anyone, because I'd have to explain that sentence to them 1000 times in 100 different ways so it be understood and then have them tell me to lighten up and quit being so high n' mighty. It could be that I work with them, it could be that I live with them, it could be that they're all I talk to anymore, but recently I feel like I'm surrounded by some really, really, REALLY stupid people. I don't usually feel this way, maybe I'm just getting bored fucking with them after so long. My friend Emelie is going to be in Knoxville this weekend and wants to hang out with me. She was my bestest friend through high school and I miss her. I'm looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to telling a long, detailed story to all the braindead redneck apes I work with about how if you mix Clorox bleach and ammonia in a big pot, put a towel over your head and kneel over it with your face down in the pot to get all the fumes, you'll just get the best buzz ever. Ever opened the newspaper obituary column and said "Hey, I know them!!!"? Looking forward to that too. Experiments in Darwinism are fun. The earth had the decency to drop rain where I live today. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Dead Can Dance

Thu, Dec. 22nd, 2005, 05:38 pm [private] SURPRISE!!!! Almost Christmas time! And my sister will be here in two days! Yay! And I'm walking out of my job on the 31st. I already know I got March of the Penguins on DVD as a present. I really want some silent films Colleen Moore was in. I'll buy that and other unbelievably weird stuff with whatever money my relatives find themselves decent enough to throw at me. I'm good on insider information. Hopefully that callcenter I put an application in at will call me here soon. I go see dad on the 31st too by the way. Such an exciting holiday season this year turned out to be. Plus on Dec. 28th, I will have known Kelly eight years. The 27th will be the eighth year anniversary of me smoking pot. What a stupid thing to say. I have to drive home and get ready for work soon. Oh what rich fantasy lives we lead. Current Mood: content Current Music: Tired of Being Sorry - Ringside

Fri, Jan. 13th, 2006, 08:04 am [private] In the army now... Ok I just signed up last night to be in the Army. I leave for boot camp on February 22nd. It's at Fort Sill, Oklahoma (which I hear stays relatively warm during February-I hate being cold). My Advanced Individual Training is at Fort Sam Houston in Houston, TX. Houston's fun. Bet yer all wondering what my job is? Well,'s "Health Care Specialist (68W)" No, not the guys on M*A*S*H*, those are doctors. I'm the medic that runs up to the guy who's just had his arm shot off and tries to stop the blood spraying all over me. To put it nicely. hehe Hey, it was either that, infantry, truck driving, or truck repair. All they had available. "Nothing anyone can do about this now, so please fix me a glass of grain alcohol and rain water yourself to whatever you like." -Dr. Strangelove Current Mood: excited

Thu, Jan. 26th, 2006, 11:24 am [private] Gettin' ready...or trying to at least... Okay... So a normal asshole right out of high school goes into the army at the bottom no-rank/pay (E-1). Since I had two years college already, I'm signed up as Private (E-2). IF...I'm able to memorize all the drill, rank, the alphabet thing, the time thing, do 40 pushups in two minutes, do 50 situps in two minutes, run 2 miles in sixteen minutes, I'll go in as Private First Class (E-3). It's definitely worth it, for money and rank, but I just hope I can do the physical stuff by the 22nd of next month. Means I have to keep at it though. My recruiters are a crackup. I hear the most awful stories sitting in their office. I've yet to get that other roll of film developed from my trip. I need to do that soon. I'm sleepy. This exercise stuff is energy-zapping. I love everybody! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Ghost Chase - Atari Teenage Riot

Fri, Jan. 27th, 2006, 04:15 pm [private] I'm so bored I think I'm going to spend the rest of my time at home today playing video games with my brother, not something I often do. He's quite sad about me leaving. Then I must go to Sevierville tonight. I'm happy. I just ordered Burn, Berlin, Burn on vinyl. I can't afford it, but just had to have it. hehe I have this OLD Beatles ablum on vinyl my dad gave me. The cover is a little damaged, but apparently it's rare. Gotta find out how much it's worth. I'm hungry, but only for certain things. I want either 1.)egg drop soup 2.)tomato soup 3.)fish sticks 4.)greek salad 5.)philly cheese steak I have a nasty cold, and that hindering my ability to eat anything and everything fit for human consumption. Otherwise I'd go and make some oriental ramen, which is the only flavor we have left. Aw I hate that flavor anyway. Current Mood: crappy

Sat, Feb. 11th, 2006, 12:19 am [private] My sister is coming home for good Sunday!!!!! We've missed you Meredith. 11 more days until I ship out for boot camp. I'm up to 30 push-ups in two minutes. Who's nervous? I'M nervous! hehe. All is good. The winter olympics are on! I've been watching them religiously since 1992. I love the winter olympics. My favorite events are hockey, bobsled, downhill slalom, and snowboarding (since they started it). So glad I got to see them before I'm sent out into the wild green yonder. Current Mood: nervous Current Music: Do You Realize - The Flaming Lips

Tue, Feb. 21st, 2006, 01:55 am [private] About to leave......... ONE more day, everyone.....ONE more day. I'm more excited than I am nervous. So what does everyone think of the new uniforms? I'm not sure I like the new dijital camoflage. I mean, they velcro, so you don't have to button anything, and they're lighter, but not so sure about the new dijital print on them. Along with most people in the army nowadays, I still like the old "Cold War" camoflague. Like this here... But that's the least of my worries. I'm still going to get my ass kicked. Having talked to numerous people in the army, apparently Fort Sill is still one of the two "hardcore" boot camps to go through. Fort Sill and Fort Benning are still the all-male combat-oriented hardass hellholes that are damn near impossible to complete. And since I'm a combat medic, that means I get the pleasure of attending one of them. I can do this, fuck those people. This'll be my last post for a while. Next time will be sometime after the first week of May. Everyone wish me luck. I'd appreciate it anyway. Paul, your package is in the mail. HOOAH!! Current Mood: excited Current Music: The Pixies - Where Is My Mind?

Mon, Aug. 7th, 2006, 02:11 pm [private] Well..... My back's fucked up, so I got sent home from the army. Oh well, TN's colder. What now? Well, here's a review of my favorite movie, Eraserhead. Watch it sometime.... Synopsis Director David Lynch’s feature-film debut is a masterpiece of the macabre and grotesque. Reportedly a reaction to the news that he was about to become a father, Lynch's ERASERHEAD follows a sensitive young man as he struggles to cope with impending parenthood. Henry Spencer (Jack Nance) lives in a hopeless industrial landscape, lusting after the beautiful woman who lives in the apartment across the hall. After his girlfriend, Mary (Charlotte Stewart), informs him of her pregnancy, he is forced to eat dinner with her extremely odd family. The baby is eventually born, only it isn’t a human baby at all; it’s a deformed creature that resembles a lizard. The baby won’t stop crying, a horrifyingly piercing wail that drives Mary insane. Left alone with the baby, Henry is serenaded by a woman who lives inside his radiator, and soon he decides to murder his baby in order to stop the nightmare once and for all. Five years in the making, ERASERHEAD contains all of the trademark attributes of a Lynch film--haunting visuals, an ethereal score, unsettling sound design, and, most notably, a black sense of humor--creating a world onscreen that is exhilarating, terrifying, and unique. Current Location: Sevierville, TN Current Mood: creative Current Music: In Heaven (The Lady In The Radiator Song) - The Pixies

Sun, Sep. 10th, 2006, 10:29 pm [private] At work up in Gatlinburg... Almost done with work for tonight. But such a quiet job! A little hotel front desk up in the mountains. It doesn't get any calmer or quieter than this. I am totally going to see the Dresden Dolls at the Bijou in Knoxville on Oct. 23 I think? Ich liebe Der Dresden Dolls! Who's coming with? Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Dresden Dolls - Coin Operated Boy

Fri, Sep. 22nd, 2006, 09:57 pm [private] Weird Dreams Last Night I dreamed like WHOA last night. Dream #1) I dreamed there was a Katrina-like hurricane that hit the town of Gatlinburg, TN. I spent most of the hurricane in an underground bunker with some girl. Horrible sounds coming out of the "lid" of the bunker. It finally dies down and we open the bunker lid up. It's raining lightly. A few power lines are down. Everything is soaked in water, and it's nighttime. I look at the girl I'm with and go "Whoa that was one hell of a storm". The moment I look at her I realize I'm dreaming. I also realize she actually has a distinct face. I've never seen her face before in my life, but if I saw her walking down the street somewhere I'd instantly realize it was her. (she almost looks like rachel leigh cook, but not quite). We walk around making sure everyone's okay, and noone's hurt. I tell her I like the jacket she's wearing, but I don't think I'll be here much longer. Then I woke up. sit up, and say " very odd"...........lie back down, and go back to sleep....... Dream #2) I'm riding in the back seat of a van my mom used to own, with her and my stepdad in the front seat. I'm kind of pissed because for some reason or another I can't ride in the car with my girlfriend (like her car was too full of junk or whatever). We're all going to a funeral. I couldn't tell you who's funeral it was. We have to stop and pick up Kelly, because she's going too. We stop in front of a skinny white stand-alone apartment. I walk in because the door is ajar. A small group of people follow me. I hear a loud snoring noise. Very loud. Someone in the group tells me it's Kelly's grandmother upstairs asleep. Kelly's been sharing a room with another girl downstairs in the apartment. I open the door to their room and noone's in it. Except a huge mess on the floor or random items and two mattresses, all in a little pile. Kelly isn't here. That alarms me really bad for some reason. I turn around to the small group. "Where's Kelly?".... someone in the group in the back responds "She isn't here". I stare blankly at the mass of nonspecific bodies standing before me....."I can see that, thank you. Where is she?" ....someone says "She probably left early...she's probably on her way to the funeral already." I don't like this response at all for some odd reason, and suspect some sort of foul play from one or all of the people in the group. I get more upset by the second. Then I pull one of these out of my coat pocket...... ...a Russian Makarov pistol...and start slowly waving it around and say, "Listen, if I don't find out where Kelly is...right now...somebody is going to get SHOT". This causes all but one of the bodies to run quickly out the door of the apartment. Only one in a black faux turtleneck stands there with his arms crossed, and reiterates "Look man, I think she left already, jesus put the gun away, willya?" I grudgingly put it away and walk outside... I dream weird shit. Current Mood: confused

Tue, Nov. 28th, 2006, 02:34 pm [private] Wake N Bake! uhhhh Current Mood: confused Current Music: Garbage - Parade

Sat, Dec. 2nd, 2006, 06:23 pm [private] New Kitty This is "Tigger", our new cat. He's got a little cat head and a big huge ass, and a pointy, nubby tail, because he's 1/2 housecat and 1/2 mountain bobcat. His claws are huge, and when he gets startled his little tail poofs out into a ball of fur. Current Mood: bored Current Music: Nena - Willst Du Mit Mir Gehen

Thu, Dec. 7th, 2006, 05:34 pm [private] Disturbing..... This is our kitty Berkely, nursing our dog Georgia. She only does this when she thinks noone's looking. I find it unbelieveably disturbing. I've pulled her off the first few times, but her persistence has led me to just leave the room and pretend it's not happening. Current Location: At work Current Mood: happy

Sun, Jan. 7th, 2007, 04:07 pm [private] Quick update.... I got my dad the complete first season of the Boondocks for Christmas. I haven't stuck it in the mail yet..Tracey and I ended up opening it and watching every episode. He's going to absolutely love that cartoon. I know I do. I'm kicking myself for not getting two copies. I'm hungry. Making some curry chicken soup. It's cold in here and rainy outside. I still must clean my car out. I might be starting technical school soon. That is all. Current Location: At home alone... Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Hanin Elias - To Stay With You

Mon, Jan. 8th, 2007, 06:26 pm [private] if you haven't heard dieselboy's human resource album, or taken silly pictures at 3am in teh morning, you should. Current Location: At work Current Mood: high Current Music: Royksopp - Remind Me

Sat, Jan. 13th, 2007, 09:47 pm [private] Lifestyle's about to change drastically....... Tracey and I broke up last night. It was friendly and mutual. Well obviously since I'll still be living with her for a little while. We're two different people going two very different places in life, and as hard as we both tried to make it work, it's for the best. I'll always love her, she is a beautiful person. I'll be moving to my dad's house in two or three weeks in Hot Springs National Park, AR to live with him and Barbara and FINALLY finish college. I need to get away from this evil, diseased state, and live in a quiet place where I can just focus on my studies....and where noone knows me. Plus I really really need to be with my father for a while. Current Location: At work Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Weezer - Where Is My Mind (Pixies Cover)

Mon, Mar. 19th, 2007, 06:18 pm [private] Hot Springs, Arkansaw, home of virgin pine trees and tall women.... Having a wonderful time in Hot Springs. Who am I kidding? Life sucks no matter what, so don't be fooled by location changes. But it is a tad bit more interesting. Plus I'll finish college soon. Current Location: At home Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: Royskopp - Remind Me

Tue, Apr. 24th, 2007, 05:38 pm [private] Ouch... So yeah I went back to Knoxville to help Tracey pack for her big move to California. Had a pretty good time, up until the end of the week. I wake up one day with a rash forming on my chest. And then it starts on my shoulder, armpit, and back. Only on the left side of my body. It was puzzling at first, thought I was having an allergic reaction to the cheap detergent she was using. Then it started to hurt. Really, really really bad. So she took me to the emergency room, where I found out I have "shingles". Apparently it's where the chickenpox virus in my body went from being dormant to attacking my nervous system. This is probably the worst physical pain I've ever felt in my life. They feel like hundreds of tiny little gunshot wounds. But I just went to the clinic today and they wrote me 60 oxycodone and some medicine to fight it. But it takes like 3-5 weeks to get rid of the pain. I'm not one to bitch and whine about stuff like this, but it hurts so bad it's almost funny. I'm trying really hard to move forward, smile, and be optimistic about my life and life in general, but the harder I try the more I have this urge to fall to the ground and burst into tears. I am not well. Current Mood: depressed

Wed, May. 30th, 2007, 01:02 pm [private] EBN - Psychoactive drugs EBN was the shit. I so wish I could find the video tape they had out.

Fri, Jun. 22nd, 2007, 01:38 pm [private] We are witnessing a massive extinction of species. At least one species dies off every hour. In the tropical rain forest we're probably losing a species every fifteen minutes. I say "probably" because we're cutting it down much too fast for anyone to figure out how many species it actually contains. Rainforest species are incredibly specialized, and may be confined to a very small area, as little as a square kilometer. A single rainforest tree can contain more species than an entire boreal forest. The rainforests are mostly being cut down to make packaging, cheap furniture, and marginal farmland which quickly turns to desert. By comparison, the "background" or pre-human rate of extinction has been estimated as one species from any major group every million years. There have been five major extinctions in geological history, including one--the Permian--which wiped out 95 percent of all animal species. Previous extinctions were probably caused by astronomical events, such as a comet hitting the earth and filling the atmosphere with dust. Eventually the dust settled, the ice melted, and life restored itself. The current extinction is different: unlike a comet, the cause isn't going away, because the cause is us. Instead the cause is getting bigger, every day. The dust is not likely to settle for a very long time, and when it does, the earth will be a different place, because we are rapidly changing the chemical composition of the earth, its oceans, and its atmosphere. Humans don't yet have the power to completely destroy life on earth in one stroke. Even if we set off all of our nuclear weapons at once, some percentage of bacteria and viruses would survive. However we do have the power to kill the earth slowly, by reducing its biological diversity. Life creates diversity because diversity is an excellent survival strategy. A diverse system can adapt to change. Imagine a forest that contains ten thousand species. Now let's say the temperature changes by a few degrees for some reason, and half the species in that forest become extinct overnight. That's bad news, but the forest still has five thousand species. Given enough time, it will adapt to the new climate and eventually evolve new species to replace the ones that died off. Now let's cut down this hypothetical forest, and replace it with a single species, something useful to us, corn for example. Once again the temperature changes by a few degrees. What are the odds that our single species of genetically engineered corn will survive the change? Not good. The corn dies, the topsoil turns to dust and blows away, and what was once a forest becomes a man-made desert, where nothing will grow, possibly for billions of years. Multiply this example times every ecosystem. Are humans reducing the probability that life will survive on earth? Yes. The immediate consequence of reducing biological diversity is a "planet of weeds." In biological terms, a weed is a generalized species that can easily adapt to a wide range of circumstances. When more specialized species are disrupted, the weeds move in, like scar tissue. Scar tissue is better than nothing, but it tends to be ugly. A planet of weeds will be unimaginably ugly. The main survivors will be humans--the ultimate weeds--along with the species that are useful to them, such as genetically modified cows, chickens, pigs, corn, etc. The remaining survivors will be rats, roaches, pigeons, and other species capable of adapting to the increasingly hostile man-made environment. Wilderness, in the sense of land not used by humans, will cease to exist. It is pointless to argue that reducing biological diversity will make the earth an uglier place. For every person who thinks that wild nature is beautiful, there's another person who thinks it's boring and stupid. For every person who thinks modern society is hideous, there are many more who find it beautiful and exciting. Most people who live in "first world" countries enjoy driving cars, shopping, eating at restaurants, and dancing in discotheques. No one cares what people in poor countries think, so long as they don't try to stop the rich countries from doing whatever they want. In any case only the rich countries have the power to stop raping the earth, so it's Americans and Europeans and Japanese that have to be persuaded, not the starving masses in Africa. This means that the arguments against reducing biological diversity have to be logical, not aesthetic. Instead of arguing that destroying wilderness is ugly and wasteful, we have to argue that it directly reduces the odds that life--even human life--will survive on earth. Of course, most people are too self-centered to care whether humans survive, never mind animals and plants. Many people have been brainwashed by science-fiction and imagine that future generations of humans will turn themselves into robots, and escape into outer space. So there's really not much hope. The essential function of all modern propaganda--including newspapers, magazines, books, television, movies, the internet, and any other medium you can imagine--is to convince us, during every waking moment, that there is only one right way for people to live. It takes considerable effort to sustain this illusion, which explains why the information or "content-creation" industry is now the largest and most profitable industry in the world. Escapist dramas like "Star Trek" try to convince us that thousands of years into the future, people will still live comfortable lives, with hot showers and slaves cooking their meals for them. Disney spends billions of dollars making "historical" movies in which our ancestors wear funny clothes but act like us, and even talk like us. In fact, there is little chance we could understand our ancestors and their tribal ways, any more than they could understand us. The American Indian tribes were tragically unable to understand the European invaders, as Kurt Vonnegut describes acidly in his classic "Breakfast of Champions": "The chief weapon of the sea pirates was their capacity to astonish. No one could believe, until it was much too late, just how heartless and greedy they were." When asked to sell his land, the great Shawnee chief Tecumseh replied, "Sell a country? Why not sell the air, the clouds, and the great sea, as well as the earth?" How could he imagine that future generations would sell not only the land, the water, the air, and the electromagnetic spectrum, but even the genetic structure of life itself? The history of industrial society is the history of diversity--both biological and social--yielding to monoculture. The Church of Euthanasia is fighting for diversity, and is therefore opposing all forms of human growth, including economic growth, technological growth, and especially population growth. We want to see less people, using less stuff and making less garbage. The average person considers these goals deeply offensive and anti-social. They can't help being offended, because their values are steeped in humanism. Humanism is the belief that man is the measure of all things, and that without him the world would have no meaning or value. This arrogant notion leads directly to a hierarchical order of being, with man at the top. As God informs us in the book of Genesis, we're supposed to "be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it, and have in subjection... every living creature." We've done just that, with catastrophic results. Humanism is the greatest heresy in the Church of Euthanasia, which may be the world's first anti-human religion. Humanism has been exported to every corner of the globe, and with it the mechanical world-view. Kings kept tax records, built roads, sent mail, established uniform codes of justice, turned forests into ships, and sent armies to loot and pillage distant lands. Thanks to their efforts we have Nike and Pizza Hut. The mechanical world-view has brought us objectivity, standardization, predictability, division of labor, and efficiency. Since there's no hope whatsoever of reversing these trends, the Church of Euthanasia's position is purely symbolic. We can't stop humans from killing the earth, but we can make them feel guilty about it. And we can refuse to participate, by not having children, by consuming as little as possible, and finally, by killing ourselves. -Reverend Chris Korda Current Location: Hot Springs, Arkansas Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Chris Isaak - Wicked Game

Fri, Mar. 28th, 2008, 02:51 am [private] Epilogue.... I should just shut this down. It no longer serves a purpose. I hate this damn thing. I wonder where the person who wrote all this crap went. He'd better stay the hell away from me. Current Mood: indescribable